My personal deadline is to have these notes published by Wednesday (April 24, 2019), so perhaps check back on Friday…
Drug: LSD (liquid) + Ketamine
Dosage: 5x hits LSD + 100mg Ketamine
Procedure: Ketamine ingested immediately after I began peaking on LSD
Duration: 8 hours of LSD, 1 hour of LSD+K
My mind wandered to the place it usually does: pondering the nature of existence. I communed with the God of Space and he revealed to me the true structure of the Universe. He laid out the fabric of space-time before me as a black plane marked with white grid lines, in the usual manner.
Then he caused the plane to bend at the edges and pull away from the center, causing a tear to form. The edges then wrapped around the back and connected to the edges of that tear. The result was the shape of a doughnut. However, instead of simply being this motionless object, it was in constant motion, as if it were trying to eat itself.
The similarity to Ouroboros was not lost on me. Nor was the metaphor for the birth->death->rebirth cycle of nature. But it was profound in the transcendental applications I hadn’t considered. In particular, reincarnation. That had always been a difficult subject for me historically and this made it clear to me that reincarnation must be reality if transcendentalism itself has any merit. The reason is because we observe reincarnation in many ways in many other planes. It would make no sense for it not to exist…
…for all is as it ever was.
BOOM! That was the revelation of the vision. Incarnation is not a mistake or a “fallen” state. Nor is the incarnate somehow separate from God. All is as it ever was. To claim that a human is somehow fundamentally different from God is like claiming that my left arm is somehow fundamentally different from me. All is as it ever was. We exist because a prism fractures white light into millions of colors and those colors could theoretically be redirected back into pure white light again. All is as it ever was.
Dosage: Unknown. Multiple failed attempts made measuring impossible.
Duration: 17 minutes
Date: The spring of 2012
Environment: Laying in my bed. My wife is monitoring my condition.
To Do: Convert from outline to prose form.
- This is my first DMT experience.
- DMT is very harsh to smoke. It tastes and smells like burning plastic.
- It doesn’t seem to work when vaporized.
- Once the smoke coats the throat, it becomes easier to hold it without coughing.
- You must hold the smoke for at least 30 seconds in order for it to work.
- I am flying as the scene materializes
- A large neon pink ball gets closer
- It has little windows in the sides
- I fly in
- It’s a club and there is a dance floor inside
- Lights were flashing and the energy was very busy
- I felt as if this were some sort of ante-chamber
- I looked around for doors or passageways
- The only way was up through a passageway in the ceiling
- I flew up
- I arrived at the end of a long corridor.
- Everything had the appearance of an old 8-bit Nintendo video game
- The walls are very tall, maybe 30 feet, and comprised of bricks in the same neon pink color.
- The floor was sandy and also pink, but more subdued, sandy hue.
- The was no ceiling, the sky was a bright blue with just a few wispy clouds.
- I proceeded to walk down the corridor.
- The corridor opened into a larger room of similar construction with two large shields at the far end.
- Each of the shields was set into an alcove cut into the wall.
- In front of one of the shields was a book. The book was laying open at a slight angle away from me. The overall dimensions were probably 10’x20′. It was much too large and tall for me to see anything written on it.
- As I approached, I realized that the shields had eyes and mouths. They weren’t really shields as much as they were shield-shaped faces which stood more than 30′ high.
- The shield-faces were obviously the King and Queen of this realm. The King was positioned behind the book and reading it while the Queen spoke to me. Unfortunately, her voice boomed so dramatically that I couldn’t make out the words.
- The King was to my left and the Queen to my right as I faced them.
- I got the impression that the Queen was upset, perhaps about my presence, perhaps not.
- The King seemed to be watching me by reading the book. I got the sense that the book was like an Akashic record and he was reading the events as they unfolded before him.
- At this point, I saw a very large quill emerge and begin to write in the book, moved by some unseen hand.
- started to get the distinct impression that I should leave. Perhaps I was on trial and my sentence was being written. I had no rational cause to think this. I just felt it.
- I left the room through a corridor to my right and beyond the Queen.
- I found myself inside a bird cage suspended from the ceiling of an extremely tall, circular room.
- The exact details of how I came to be in the cage are lost to memory.
- The room reminded me of a grain silo which might have been converted for use as Dr. Seuss’ art studio.
- My cage was suspended at least 30′ from the bottom, which was a lake of *something*.
- There was an opening, like an arched doorway, in the opposite wall from which the most beautiful waterfall flowed. The water was translucent and comprised of every color imaginable.
- The room was filled with birds and other animals, as well as surreal devices. Everything in the room radiated happiness and joy.
- I just sat back and tried to take it all in.
- Then I heard (but did not see) the Queen boom: “What is it you came here for?”
- Without taking a moment to think about it, I replied, “I want to be more creative.”
- The Queen said, “What do you think this is? It looks quite creative to me.”
- It’s impossible for me to convey in words how profound this exchange was to me. But in that statement, this external intelligence told me that I am more talented and possess much greater potential than I ever imagined.
- I wept.
- The cage door opened and I floated out and up, up, up.
- The room had no ceiling and I simply began to float away. I floated back to the same position from which I had begun.
- Then I began to see the familiar shapes of my bedroom furniture. I looked at the clock. 17 minutes had passed.
Drug: Ketamine (s-isomer)
Duration: 20 minutes
Date: Spring 2013
Environment: Laying in bed, alone.
It took less than 5 minutes for the K-hole paralysis to set in…
I experienced what I fully believed was my death and crossed over to the other side. Initially, I was confused about how this could happen, then I remembered that I had done K. So I naturally concluded that I must have overdosed and died. Then I began experiencing a sense of fear of what lies beyond and grieving the fact that I will never see my friends and family again. I even recall feeling compassion for their suffering when they learned of my death. It was that real.
Then things got weird.
The grieving process was also surprisingly short as I shed the mortal coil almost as one would a bathrobe. In hindsight, this is because the drug was still taking hold and clearly had plans to go much further. With my mortal body (or what I thought was my body) no longer inhabitable, I existed as only a single point of light floating in the air. I paused to consider my circumstances. I decided that hovering around over streets and buildings didn’t make a lot of sense. Earth is a place for the living, which no longer applies to me.
So I willed myself to rise and flew through the Earth’s atmosphere and into open space. After a short while, I saw what looked like a river of light flowing through the cosmos. As I got closer, I realized that the river was actually comprised entirely of little points of light, just like I was. So I entered the river and began to contemplate the nature of existence.
At one point I wondered how I was feeling about this unexpected turn of events. I didn’t know. It’s not that I was conflicted or felt something that I couldn’t readily quantify, it was because emotions didn’t exist here in the same way they do when incarnate. When I was alive, thoughts and emotions were abstract concepts that “lived” in another plane of existence but were accessible by us to use in determining physical actions on the material plane. Here, any thought or emotion I concentrated on manifested as a physical object that could be manipulated and combined according to rules of physics similar to those in the material world. So I was either outside of the concepts of thought and emotion or I was in the nexus where thoughts are born.
It is this utterly alien state of being which is not subject to constant bombardment by neurochemicals which I personally believe to be the realm of the Ipsissimus. It is also follows why it is unattainable for any length of time while attached to a physical brain.
The entire experience lasted less than 20 minutes, which is considerably shorter than the average 45 minutes that this drug and dosage should have provided. But when it was over, I no longer feared death. It also imparted in me a deep-seated sense of calm regarding the transcendent and eternal nature of my being which I still carry with me some 5 years later.
- I had no tolerance to Ketamine whatsoever when conducting this experiment. So if you use Ketamine on anything like a regular basis, you will need to increase the dosage (probably 2x or 3x).
- This was not my first K-hole experience. Previous experiences where more similar to what people often describe. This experience happened at a time when I was actively engaged in experiments related to astral projection. I believe this accounts for why the experience took the turn it did in the way that it did.
- Achieving K&C is the only appropriate Will to have until that operation is complete. All else is prerequisite work toward that single-minded goal.
- “What my ego wants to achieve” should probably read “what my ego + HGA agree to achieve” (but that didn’t fit in the box).
- Many people assume that whatever you come up with in conjunction with your HGA will be your Will, but that is not always the case. Some Adepts come straight out the gate wanting to do anything they can to improve the living conditions on this plane of existence. But many others decide to instead focus the work either inwards or on amassing a large personal power reserve. The difference is whether you decide to start disavowing the ego at this time or whether you decide to double-down and fortify it. I recommend the former. The latter is a surefire way to become a “black brother”.
- While everyone’s Will is unique and no other person can say what exactly your Will is, it can’t be just anything. There are certain parameters it must fall within in order to logically avoid conflicts between people who are honestly doing their Wills.
- The general characterization of the Will as being something one does to benefit the world outside themselves is rooted in certain mysteries of the Supernals. But these mysteries are reflected in our understanding of the Monad and of the Hermetic Principle of Correspondence (5=6). Since there is ultimately no distinction between any thing and any other thing, improving the world is the ultimate initiatory act (aimed at improving oneself).